Saturday, November 21, 2009

It's in God's hands now....

Understandably so, I am hesitant to share such a personal piece of information in a public blog, but I feel this might clear the air and stop people from asking when we will have more children.

After almost 2 years of trying for another baby Josh and I underwent several rounds of fertility testing to find out why it was taking so long to conceive. After several months we have found our answer. At first I developed several polyps on my uterus (possibly from scar tissue from my c-section) and had those surgically removed but come to find out with a mix of ovulation problems it looks to be that at this point we are unable to have kids on our own.

Josh and I are both mutually saddened by this news. I can't begin to describe the hurt and pain I have felt month after month of trying and no positive result, but we remain strong. In hindsight Joey is our miracle baby. I am unsure of my own infertility causes, but realize now that I am so blessed to have my baby Joey, even if he isn't a baby anymore. I never envisioned myself only having one child and realize now that without any sort of fertility help that we may only end up with one child of our own. Of course we can always do in-vitro or adopt but perhaps one child is what is only meant for us.

I have to be honest in saying that Josh is more optimistic then me. He believes that we will get pregnant in God's time, but I have trouble with waiting for what's to come. My biggest flaw is needing to have a plan for everything, but I am learning to accept that it is God's plan and not mine. Still I continue to pray for that miracle.

I feel extremely blessed to be a mother to Joey. He is my heart and my world and if he is my only child then I will continue to thank God everyday for his blessing. Josh has been such a supportive husband and father. I feel so thankful and so blessed to have such a wonderful family already. While part of me feels that I need to expand my family, I am so thankful for the loving family I already have.

Please just pray for us for God's will on our family, whatever that may be.


Kelly said...

Hello, there. I was a reading a blog I follow and hit the "Next Blog" button at the top and saw yours. In skimming through quickly, I noticed this entry and had to comment. We had our first daughter in 1997 and then my husband began med school. We waited through med school and into residency before trying to conceive again. After lots of time had passed, I went to my doctor. We discovered via laparoscopic surgery that I had severe endometriosis. My chances of any more children were slim. I was hopeful, like your husband, that God would give us another child in His time...my husband was not as optimistic (he's the realist). :) I want to tell you, we had THREE more children. Yes, we have four kids. Each time, I thanked God and blessed Him for my "miracle babies". Looking back, I was thankful for my one daughter and never took her for granted...and had she been our only that would have been okay. But God did bless us with more when the odds were all against us and the fertility docs just shook their heads. I thank God for my kids every day...all of them. :)

I will pray for you and keep watching your blog. 'His Hands' is a great place to be. Have a happy holiday season!

Kelly A.

Keana C. said...

Kelly, I don't know if you will see this, but I want to say thank you. Sometimes I get so caught up in the things that are right in front of me that I forget to look past and see all the possibilities. Your comment has given me hope and encouragement. What a blessing!